To the ladies, gents, household pets who have learned to use the Internet, and sentient Artificial Intelligences who make up my readers– if you would, please scrounge all the loose change from underneath the couch cushions, and deposit it in yonder tip jar to help me recoup the renewal fees for the domain here. I know I haven’t posted anywhere near regularly (8 posts in 8 months… ), but I plan on changing that in the next little bit.
Thanks.
Scene: Smalltown Post Office, interior, late afternoon. Two postal clerks (who look remarkably like Barney Frank and Liza Minnelli) are standing behind the counter. A loud TEENK, TEENK, TEENK noise is heard from outside. There is no direct view of what is causing the noise.
Barney Frank Simulacrum: There goes that guy on the SMART car again.
Liza Minnelli Simulacrum: Why does he always honk his horn like that?
BFS: I don’t know. It’s annoying, though.
LMS: Damn skippy.
From outside, an engine is heard revving up to full power. Both postal workers look at each other in surprise. Moments later, the SMART car bursts through the exterior wall sideways and comes to rest in front of the clerks. It is obvious that the SMART car has been T-boned by a larger vehicle.
SMART Car Driver: Ugggh…
In the hole the SMART car entered through, a figure is seen. The figure steps into the room and is revealed as A Dixie Carpetbagger, holding a fireman’s axe.
Dixie: Oh, I’m sorry. Did I break your concentration? I didn’t mean to do that. Please, continue. You were honkin’ your horn and wavin’ to everyone. [silence] What’s the matter? Oh, you were finished? Oh, well, allow me to retort!
The Carpetbagger then walks to the SMART car, and using only one hand, rips the driver’s door off with the fireman’s axe.
Dixie: What’s the 0-60 time of this vehicle?
SCD: What?
Dixie: [Slams axe into the hood and rips it off] Why do you always drive around honkin’ your horn and wavin’ at folks like a prom queen?
SCD: What?
Dixie: Look, I ain’t playin’ this game. I seen the movie, we both know how this goes. How ’bout you just fire up your Mattel car and get out of here while I’m comin’ down off my berserker rage?
The driver fires up his car and begins driving out of the hole his car entered through. As he passes The Carpetbagger, he honks his horn (TEENK) and speeds away. The Carpetbagger stands in hole and waves his axe at the (slowly) fleeing car.
Dixie: I’ll get you, Smart Car Driver… if it’s the last thing I do!
(Why yes, I had inspiration…)
It turns out that I didn’t quite add all the new blogs I read to my blogroll. (I always forget little things like this…) Those I forgot-
Aaron at Guns and Ammo. Moved from his old address, and I never updated the links.
Miguel at Gun Free Zone. Floridian, shooter, outspoken. In short, cool. (chuckle)
Laurel at Politics, Guns & Beer. Told her I would link to her in November. (Months late, dollars short…)
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In addition, I’ve been added by Jake at Curses, Foiled Again and Newbius. Both are good reads, so… go read them. (chuckle)
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Also, I mentioned I was trying my hand at story writing. To pique interest, I’ll give out the recipe I’m working on: 2 parts this and this to 3 parts this and one part this, with a dash of my own life tossed in for flavor.
The past few days, I’ve been doing some short story writing, just brushing of the cobwebs, trying to polish my skills a bit. I’ve always been a better-than-decent story writer, and more than one of my English teachers/professors has encouraged me to submit my work… whether they actually liked my work or just wanted me to crash and burn, I don’t know… (chuckle) So, I apologize for running one short on posts for today.
