The SR-71 Blackbird– built out of a material (titanium) that had to be purchased from the Soviet Union, which forced workers to re-learn everything they did in fabrication, which used a fuel that needed and explosion to ignite it– good thing, because the fuel tanks will not seal at ambient temperatures– and had engines that needed two Buick Wildcat engines as a starter.
This aircraft first flew in 1962– but as one of its creators, Ben Rich, noted– it’d still be a technological achievement if it rolled off the line today.
Scene: Smalltown Post Office, interior, late afternoon. Two postal clerks (who look remarkably like Barney Frank and Liza Minnelli) are standing behind the counter. A loud TEENK, TEENK, TEENK noise is heard from outside. There is no direct view of what is causing the noise.
Barney Frank Simulacrum: There goes that guy on the SMART car again.
Liza Minnelli Simulacrum: Why does he always honk his horn like that?
BFS: I don’t know. It’s annoying, though.
LMS: Damn skippy.
From outside, an engine is heard revving up to full power. Both postal workers look at each other in surprise. Moments later, the SMART car bursts through the exterior wall sideways and comes to rest in front of the clerks. It is obvious that the SMART car has been T-boned by a larger vehicle.
SMART Car Driver: Ugggh…
In the hole the SMART car entered through, a figure is seen. The figure steps into the room and is revealed as A Dixie Carpetbagger, holding a fireman’s axe.
Dixie: Oh, I’m sorry. Did I break your concentration? I didn’t mean to do that. Please, continue. You were honkin’ your horn and wavin’ to everyone. [silence] What’s the matter? Oh, you were finished? Oh, well, allow me to retort!
The Carpetbagger then walks to the SMART car, and using only one hand, rips the driver’s door off with the fireman’s axe.
Dixie: What’s the 0-60 time of this vehicle?
SCD: What?
Dixie: [Slams axe into the hood and rips it off] Why do you always drive around honkin’ your horn and wavin’ at folks like a prom queen?
SCD: What?
Dixie: Look, I ain’t playin’ this game. I seen the movie, we both know how this goes. How ’bout you just fire up your Mattel car and get out of here while I’m comin’ down off my berserker rage?
The driver fires up his car and begins driving out of the hole his car entered through. As he passes The Carpetbagger, he honks his horn (TEENK) and speeds away. The Carpetbagger stands in hole and waves his axe at the (slowly) fleeing car.
Dixie: I’ll get you, Smart Car Driver… if it’s the last thing I do!
Went to the Eglin 75th anniversary Open House Saturday. Excellent show– the Thunderbirds, as always, are awesome– great displays, and some awesome people to chat with. I even got to chat with some EA-6B crewmen from VAQ-139. (Note: I really wanted a T-shirt they were selling. Not the “I HEART COUGARS” one, but another design.)
Watched the F-22 (I’ve seen Pugachev’s Cobra, and it awesome…) and the Corsair demonstrate while I waited in line for the Virtual Army Experience. The VAE is not bad, but it’s not great, either– the guns look like M-4s, but they’re pintle mounted and semi-auto only. Had that been a real mission, my convoy would’ve been dead, oh… 10 seconds in. Saw the Coast Guard do a simulated SAR mission, and even got to watch a C-17 go through its paces.
All my pics are still being processed, but here’s some videos –
Only three things marred this show.
1) Sunburn. I don’t know if it’s just me, or a new runway coating, but I’ve never been sunburned at an airshow before. I’m red like the Kool-Aid man…
2) Too few static display aircraft. The only aircraft you could get inside were a couple of C-130s (a C-130, a AC-130, and a MC-130), the CV-22, a few helicopters, the DHC-4, and the Lear Jet. No C-5, no C-17, no KC-135 or other transport. Not even that many booths with information from the Air Force– they usually have tons of history and tactical displays.
3) Bus snafus. The gates opened at 9 AM and closed at 3 AM when the Thunderbirds started engines. At 5 PM everyone was told “show’s over.” Now, it took 6 hours for the buses to ferry everyone in… how long will it take to ferry them out? I was in parking lot Blue Alpha, the smallest and closest of the lots– but nobody else knew which lot they were in, which led to me taking two long bus rides with groups that thought they were Blue Alpha, but really weren’t. However, the Air Force worked everything out in style.*
However, it was a good show. Two tidbits I found interesting– the flag and decal vendors sold out of Gadsen flags, and Thunderbird 6 did his “slow roll” to the opening strains of Muse’s “Uprising.” That song’s a bit… odd for an Air Force demonstration team… I enjoyed it. I found a good seat (a vehicle barrier under a shelter) and watched the show while I ate a ice cream bar.
* Yes, they made it up to me. After the second snafu, I was handed off to a Sergeant and told that the next available bus would take me to the vehicle. Moments later, a Dodge Charger pulls up, and the Sergeant practically levitates in a 90 degree turn and snaps a salute. Oh sh*t, I think– officer. Then the Sergeant bends at the waist (he didn’t approach the vehicle at all) and addresses the driver. Oh sh*t, field grade officer, I think.
I get in, close the door, and as my driver leans over to talk to the Sergeant, I flick my eyes down and see one of these on my driver’s collar. (Yes, I snapped to. I come from a long line of enlisted men.) So I got chauffeured back to my car by a full-bird Colonel and got to chat with him about the Thunderbirds, the Block 70 F-16, and the show.
(I just looked him up, and I’m impressed. He earned a B.S. in psychology before I was born, holds multiple Master’s, and his last job was as a tech. Here I thought he was just in charge of the SFs… {chuckle})
Dear Leader requisition first 100 Government Motors Volts. Volts doubleplusgood noncoaluse greencars. Persons smearing Volts nonpersons and doubleplusungood badthinkers. Volts futurecar; once all persons drive Volts, America will be doubleplusgood noncoaluse country. Volt picture below.
Excuse error– doubleplusungood badthinker insert picture of doubleplusungood coaluse car made by fatcat capitalists. Volt picture below.
Remember, Dear Leader is AMSOC. AMSOC is life. Dear Leader is life.
Toyota is building a motorized chair. With a built-in social networking computer, to find other chair owners who want to hangout with you… in their chairs. Or something.
Cops get all the nice goodies. Class 3 firearms, souped-up cars, they can wear aviators and nobody minds, they get to drive chariots…
Wait, what?
What I just linked is possibly one of the funniest stories I’ve ever read. What’s even funnier is that the chariots are real.
Hmm… I have an old Briggs & Stratton 16 HP mower engine… and wheels… and some cabling… (begins scribbling) hmm, put a captain’s chair in for safety and comfort… some paint, some lights… a Dixie horn’s a must… maybe a sona si latine loqueris bumper sticker… (puts on mirrored aviators and rushes out, plans in hand, mumbling)
Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem! Cur rides? Ridiculum non sum! Nitimur in vetitum semper cupimusque negata… homines, quo plura habent, eo ampliora cupiunt.
