A Dixie Carpetbagger

I’d love to see a pro-gun group do a parody of this:

“You don’t need a gun to defend your kid… because they should already have one.”

(Scene cuts to little Suzy in a parking lot, BIG BAD GUY about to grab her when she spins around and draws) “STOP!  FREEEEZE!” (Sounds of gunfire are heard)

(Scene cuts to Suzy sitting on her car hood, pointing a revolver at a wounded BIG BAD GUY holding his belly and bleeding.  She’s calling 911 on her cell)  “Hello, 911?  I’d like to report an attempted kidnapping.  Yeah, he’s still here.  Nope, he’s down on the ground bleeding.  Okay, I’ll stay on the line.  Can you have the officers grab something to eat?  I’m starving.  Oh wait, I got a beep, hold on a second…”

——-

Seriously?  You don’t need a (big, bad, scary) gun to defend your kid… because you can get an Amber Alert?  What’s that saying again?  You know, the one about the moral superiority of a murdered rape victim?

(H/T Breda)

From the New York Times:

One day next month every student at Loyola Law School Los Angeles will awake to a higher grade point average. But it’s not because they are all working harder. The school is retroactively inflating its grades, tacking on 0.333 to every grade recorded in the last few years. The goal is to make its students look more attractive in a competitive job market.

From the Washington Post:

The Marine Corps has discharged 13 junior officers training at Quantico for cheating on a land navigation test [...] They were taking an intense, six-month training course for new officers and were trying to learn how to lead a platoon through rugged terrain. They were sent with a map and compass to a wooded area on the base and instructed to write down numbers painted on boxes left there. The accused wrote down numbers from the previous year’s test…

The defense for both events?  Everyone’s doing it! Which, of course, doesn’t make me feel a bit better.  That just means that there’s more “A+” students out there who are actually A- (or B+, or C-) students graded on a curve.

I also admire the Marine OCS cadets for their sheer chutzpah– they’re going to lead people in combat, and they don’t even have the common courtesy to learn basic skills?  What happens when they’re in a war zone and have to bring their squad back in through a minefield… at night… with no GPS gear?  How many letters to parents will they have to right before it dawns on them that this happened because of their mental laziness?

(NYT article via Jennifer, WaPo article via Laginappe’s Guy)

The Democrat disaster preparedness plan:

1. Don’t have a disaster.

2.  And if you do have a disaster…

3.  DIE QUICKLY.

“George Bush Barack Obama doesn’t care about black disabled people.”

I spent Hurricane Opal in a shelter with my disabled grandmother– so this upsets me a bit.  No plans… whatsoever?  Not even having the Social Security and Medicare offices fax the local Emergency Operation Centers a list of people who might need help?

(H/T Hope n’ Change)

Glenn Beck has a trailer out for his new thriller, The Overton Window:

Now, most of us can (probably) tell where the stanzas used in the trailer come from.  (Hint: not Glenn Beck.)  The writers at The Huffer’s Postings The Huffing Post?  Not so much.  After many statements of how poor a poet Beck was, a few lone conservative voices in the wilderness informed the “educated” Left that the lines were not Beck’s… but Rudyard Kipling’s.

Oops.

Google, motherf… oh wait, I’ve already said that.  Seriously, two minutes with Google will save you from a lot of mocking on the Internet.  But that begs the question: can leftists who use Google stay leftists?  And more importantly– has anybody on the left read Kipling’s “Tommy”?

To add insult to injury, if you’re a part of the dead-tree media, who do you get to review a book by one of the more popular commentators in T.V. right now?  A guy that hates him!  At this point, I’m just going to sit back at pop some popcorn and watch the express plow into the Volkswagen Beetle sitting in the railroad crossing.

Scene: Smalltown Post Office, interior, late afternoon.  Two postal clerks (who look remarkably like Barney Frank and Liza Minnelli) are standing behind the counter.  A loud TEENK, TEENK, TEENK noise is heard from outside.  There is no direct view of what is causing the noise.

Barney Frank Simulacrum: There goes that guy on the SMART car again.
Liza Minnelli Simulacrum: Why does he always honk his horn like that?
BFS: I don’t know.  It’s annoying, though.
LMS: Damn skippy.

From outside, an engine is heard revving up to full power.  Both postal workers look at each other in surprise.  Moments later, the SMART car bursts through the exterior wall sideways and comes to rest in front of the clerks.  It is obvious that the SMART car has been T-boned by a larger vehicle.

SMART Car Driver: Ugggh…

In the hole the SMART car entered through, a figure is seen.  The figure steps into the room and is revealed as A Dixie Carpetbagger, holding a fireman’s axe.

Dixie: Oh, I’m sorry. Did I break your concentration? I didn’t mean to do that. Please, continue. You were honkin’ your horn and wavin’ to everyone. [silence] What’s the matter? Oh, you were finished? Oh, well, allow me to retort!

The Carpetbagger then walks to the SMART car, and using only one hand, rips the driver’s door off with the fireman’s axe.

Dixie: What’s the 0-60 time of this vehicle?
SCD: What?
Dixie: [Slams axe into the hood and rips it off] Why do you always drive around honkin’ your horn and wavin’ at folks like a prom queen?
SCD: What?
Dixie: Look, I ain’t playin’ this game.  I seen the movie, we both know how this goes.  How ’bout you just fire up your Mattel car and get out of here while I’m comin’ down off my berserker rage?

The driver fires up his car and begins driving out of the hole his car entered through.  As he passes The Carpetbagger, he honks his horn (TEENK) and speeds away.  The Carpetbagger stands in hole and waves his axe at the (slowly) fleeing car.

Dixie:  I’ll get you, Smart Car Driver… if it’s the last thing I do!

(Why yes, I had inspiration…)

In history, it was the Republican Party that was founded to end slavery, while the Democratic Party was founded to keep the issue from ever coming to public debate.  However, in the dimension that our Fearless Leader resides in, Abraham Lincoln must’ve been a Democrat.

Mr. President: FREE SOIL, FREE LABOR, FREE LAND, FREE MEN.  At the time that my party had that as their slogan, your party was singing a song called N*gger Doodle Dandy at their conventions.  Would it hurt so much to admit the Republican’s role in history, or would that force you to admit what the Democrats have done?

(H/T USCitizen)

Ban Anything That’s Fun or Exciting

“Peasant, we’s heard you’s liked playing airsoft, so we’s gonna ban the crap outta that so’s ya’s can’t plays it no mo’.  Jus’ ‘member, we’s from the gub-mint, and we’s here to help ya’s.”

Just to re-cap, from the post where I first heard about this:

Basically, if the ATF claims these airsoft guns can be easily converted into real guns, they should just demonstrate the conversion, and put a couple of magazines through it.

So, did the ATF test the gun like this?  From the third page of the ATF’s letter:

To determine if the submitted sample (as modified) is capable of expelling a projectile … [t]he test fire was conducted a total of three times…

Wait, wait, wait… how was the gun modified?  Well, the lower was Dremeled into shape, an M16 hammer, hammer pin, hammer spring, buffer and buffer spring were put in, and then an AR-15 upper was put on and held in place with a drift punch in place of the front retention pin.  In other words, As long as you have access to a whole bunch of parts off M-16s, you can assemble an Ar-15.  With a crappy airsoft lower.  Or, to quote a commenter over at Uncle’s:

My water glass can be converted into a machine gun.

You take the glass and replace it with a machine gun, take the water and replace it with ammo.

Voila, machine gun.

There’s “massaging the evidence,” and then there’s “we took it to the massage parlor down on Riverside and got it a happy ending.”  This is the latter.  To recap: if you have access to parts from an M-16,  an AR-15 upper, drift punches and a Dremel tool, you can create a machine gun.  Kinda.  Sorta.  Maybe.

Oh, and they have re-defined transfers, too.  Now, your favorite gun writer will have to fill out a 4473 to get an evaluation gun.  It’s almost like they’re trying to clamp down on us gun owners, isn’t it?

A nationwide alert has been issued for 17 members of the Afghan military who have gone AWOL from a Texas Air Force base where foreign military officers who are training to become pilots are taught English [...] (they) have security badges that give them access to secure U.S. defense installations…

There’s no delicate way for me to say this, but…

YOU.  HAVE.  GOT.  TO.  BE.  F*CKING.  KIDDING.  ME.

These guys had better be at the local strip club getting their groove on, or somebody’s about to be assigned to Elmendorf… permanently.

(H/T Liberalguy)

Kevin Baker has a post up detailing how few Britons have guns.  Crime skyrocketed when the U.K. brought their gun bans into effect, and the populace wants to… ban more guns.  Bonus: Kevin has attracted a Scottish troll (och, wee laddie, I’m-a gonna EAT YOU!) who has an off-the-scale density.  One section from the quotes I want to point out:

James Kelly: Thank you for the clarification, Ken.  Answer – Because I believe in democracy and the rule of law, rather than ‘might is right’ and imposing one’s will by force.

Unix-Jedi: So sending other people to apply force on your behalf means you’re not imposing your will by force?

James Kelly: Electing a parliament that passes laws, the police and the courts implement those laws…this is pretty basic stuff.  I thought belief in democracy and the rule of law was a shared value between our two countries.

Ken: So. If you take A’s property by force, it’s theft. If some guy with a badge claiming to be acting “in the name of the People/King/G-d/Whatever” does it, it’s…what, exactly? Apart from the salutary (sorry for the big word there) benefit of not exposing you to personal danger, that is. The point is, you are perfectly happy imposing your will by someone else’s force. There are several words for that, you know.

Note the interplay– Mr. Kelly believes that if X amount of the population says A, then Y amount must simply roll over and play dead.  This belief (I may not do [ACTION], but if I can convince people to vote for [ACTION], not only is it okay, but it is proper) and “group rights” are yin and yang… perfect, matched pairs.  I would like to introduce you to a quote from a friend of mine, Major Reid:

“To vote is to wield authority; it is the supreme authority from which all other authority derives — such as mine to make your lives miserable once a day. Force, if you will! — the franchise is force, naked and raw, the Power of the Rods and the Ax. Whether it is exerted by ten men or by ten billion, political authority is force.”

Some of you recognize this quote immediately.  You see, Major Reid is the H&MP (History and Moral Philosophy) professor in Starship Troopers.  The next section is the part I think is the perfect answer to Mr. Kelly:

“But this universe consists of paired dualities. What is the converse of authority? Mr. Rico.”

He had picked one I could answer. “Responsibility, sir.”

“Applause. Both for practical reasons and for mathematically verifiable moral reasons, authority and responsibility must be equal, else a balancing takes place as surely as current `flows between points of unequal potential. To permit irresponsible authority is to sow disaster; to hold a man responsible for anything he does not control is to behave with blind idiocy. The unlimited democracies were unstable because their citizens were not responsible for the fashion in which they exerted their sovereign authority . . . other than through the tragic logic of history.”

BINGO!  “Because I can!” is not– repeat NOT– a valid answer for pulling the lever for anything.  Every time you vote, the responsibility for and consequences of your vote rests on you, and you alone.  Conversely, it is not– repeat NOT– moral for you to vote to do anything that you cannot do in your own power.  However, the most ardent anti-rights advocates always hide in the safety of the masses…

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(Is it just me, or does it look like they used Weer’d as the model for those?)