A Dixie Carpetbagger

… I’d have no luck at all.  On top of all the crap I’ve been dealing with, I’ve had a wee bit of trouble with kidney stones.  Normally, I just have bad back pain for a day, and the nice little sand-grain-size buggers go away.  Nope, this one was bigger… and managed to get jammed “in the tunnel.”  What happens when a sharp, jagged stone gets jammed in a tube with lots of pressure behind it, class?  Pain, agony, screams, and blood.  Lots of blood.  And an ER trip… on Friday the 13th.

I’m tellin’ you, I had to have stepped on a friggin’ leprechaun to have all of this happen…

Okay, so… I think I forgot to write anything today.  Crap.  Okay, summary of why I forgot.

Doctor’s Trip: Since September of 2009, I’ve lost 35 pounds, 4 1/2 inches off my stomach (not my waist, my belly), my BMI has come down 6 points, and my percentage of body fat has come down almost 10 points.  Problem was that the medicine I was on was beginning to lose effectiveness on me.  Solution?  Switch meds to one that acts more like caffeine… and is 1/6 the cost.

Housework:  Imagine 300, but the Persians are dust bunnies.  That’s what it looked like under my computer desk.  Hours of cleaning later, and it looks good.  Heck, the room even smells better.  (Before you think I exaggerate, as I was typing this, one of the housemates walked in and said “The room even smells better!”)  Now, all I have to do is organize my DVDs, which means new racks… and shelve the books, which means new shelves…  Well, I do have another month before classes start…

Writing: I’m still working on a bunch of stuff, short stories and the like.  The one I keep referring to has gained a life of its own– I intended it to be a small toss-out… then I started looking into it, doing research… now I’ve got almost 5,000 words of research, plus papers I’ve read to see how plausible the story line was.  Then the site I chose for the story popped up in the news… for something eerily similar to what I had just written.

The hardest writing I’m doing right now is my own profile.  How can I describe myself in x words or less (and y words or more, natch)?  I have a hard time writing a resume, and that’s hard facts… how am I supposed to write a self-selling fluff piece… on myself?

There are people out the who will do anything.  Having been really fat– and working my way down to just kinda fat– this woman is pretty much the embodiment of my arch-nemesis.  Whereas I got to XXXL and realized that custom clothes are expensive, this woman is in XXXXXL… and gaining.  Worse yet is her baby-daddy egging her on: “You look at her curves and see her full belly and generous hips, it’s very sexy.”

To who?  Heck, at my high point, I wasn’t sexy to myself.  I can only imagine what a half ton of… errgh… uggh… (shudder)… okay, I need brain bleach.  Worse yet is something no commenter has picked up on.  Read this sentence:

“I’m very healthy. I go to the doctor every three months,” she said.

How does a 600 pound woman who has problems standing up long enough to shower go to the doctor?  Oh, wait, they call Fire/EMS, and the rescue squad helps them out!  (Which, of course, ties up the team in the event of, you know, a serious call… but hey, she’s gotta get her book deal!)  Meanwhile, she has Type II diabetes… and she’s still hoggin’ out.

(H/T Wyatt Earp)

Having successfully weathered an ear infection, a sinus infection, bronchitis, and what felt like Rocky Balboa in flu form, I now get to deal with springtime.

Everything’s in bloom– azaleas, pine trees, roses… and my allergies just remembered that they haven’t beat me up this winter.  They are in the process of correcting that oversight.

Have I mentioned I hate Florida weather?

QUARANTINE AREA – CONTAGIOUS DISEASE

No one shall enter or leave this blog without the written permission of the Internet Health Authority.

So, it’s my spring break, and it’s finally sunny here.  Too bad I’m sick.  The 1-2-3 punch of ear infection – sinus infection – allergies has left me a coughing, hacking derelict. If it wasn’t for the decongestant cough syrup, I’d be in bed.  Heck, I think I’ll go back to bed anyway.  As soon as I catch up on my blog reading.

Of course, nurses don’t even tell you that before you get a shot now.  No, they say “oh, see, the needle’s in now, it didn’t even hurt!”  Thank you, I didn’t know I had a needle in me… but it hurts now, thank  you very much.

Is it just me, or can nurses sense people with a fear of needles?  (Also, is it weird I have no problem with drawing blood, but injection needles creep me out?)  Look, I’m here to get inoculated against a deadly virus, not to have you toy with my (already fragile) mind.  Just, you know, stick me and then shoo me off– no commentary needed.

In other news, I now have had my H1N1 shot.  Hopefully the normal flu won’t kill me in the next 2 weeks.