No go… the Computer Science department requires all papers, including theses, dissertations, and ALL term/course papers to be in APA style… which was designed for publication, not for classwork.  The irony?  Turabian style was designed from the ground up for classwork… not for publication.  Hence why it’s officially known as “A Manual for Writers of Research Papers, Theses, and Dissertations…”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to return to beating my head against my desk, and seeing which breaks first.

Enter me renting an apartment, and all that entails.  (Oh boy, getting to know– and trust– new people, moving stuff, maintaining two sets of EVERYTHING, contact info, etc., etc., etc.)  Luckily, a friend of mine knew of a guy moving out of his apartment, so I found one close to campus, cheap, and in a decent location.  (I owe her.  Hmm, let’s see if she’d take range time as a form of repayment… )

So, yes, I’ve been slacking on the writing.  My apologies.

The reason I’ve gathered you here today is to discuss your recent performance.  You see, I have had trouble recently staying in contact with you… or, to be more blunt, keeping you in contact with me.  While I am something of an agoraphobe, and I am not the most sociable person, I am, indeed, available 24/7.  If I happen to be asleep– and I assure you, I do sleep– then a message can be routed to me which will be in front of my eyes or flowing into my ears in less than 8 hours.

Thus, I find in damnably difficult to understand why my messages to you go days or weeks with no response.  For those of you whom I do business with, it looks as if you do not want my business; for those of you whom I work with, it looks as if you do not value my labor and desire me to quit exerting myself to do an excellent job.  In either case, it offends me.

I understand that you have personal and social lives and other efforts needing your attention… but I have found the time to respond to messages during some of the most stressful and harried moments in my life, and it upsets me to think that that effort is not returned on your part.  An email sent at 1 in the morning Thursday saying (in essence) “our classwork is due Monday morning, we have the weekend to do it” is, in fact, a heads up to do the work over the weekend.  I assure you that the work in question will not delay your weekend party (or more likely, parties), and prompt submission of said work will ensure that I do not make your Monday morning more unbearable than the hangover does.

To emphasize my words here, I shall end this little missive with a small graphic to illustrate a possible solution I propose for our little situation:

(In case you want to see the full gallery, One, Two, Three, Four.)

Saw this in the engineering building in the computer science area (naturally).  The number is for Aperture Science.  (No, not really– it’s Valve’s number.)  Which is awesome– it’s actually in an out-of-the-way little spot, so whoever put it there wanted people to look for it.

Which means a certain angry AI is back…

“We’re a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I- oh, no, wait. I guess I haven’t killed you yet. Well. Food for thought during this next test.”

Right about the time you read this, I’m going to be finishing up a stint in my university’s library, digging through the stacks while trying to find some source material for a term paper.  You see, I foolishly let my Civil War and Reconstruction professor know I knew about the Republic of West Florida and the Bonnie Blue Flag… and now I’m doing a term paper on that subject.  (Please note: this is the same Doctor who first tied Toussaint L’Ouverture to the Civil War, so me tying the Republic of West Florida in with the War Between the States has him excited.  Beware excited history professors!)

Please note: geek that I am, I got sidetracked and spent an hour doing research between the last line and this one.  But it was productive…

I am finding out, though, that the Bonnie Blue Flag has… negative connotations to some people.  (shrugs)  I use it as a symbol for state’s rights and libertarianism, not for the Confederacy.  You know, maybe if the Yanks hadn’t a’ gone all annexation-happy, we wouldn’t have this problem…

Then something happened.  One of the local radio stations starts the day by having a schoolkid recite the Pledge, and then playing The Star Spangled Banner.  On the very first note of the anthem, the Sun broke through the clouds and began the day.  Cranky Dixie quickly became Decently Pleasant Dixie, and the day became okay.

Still, we had three and a half hours to ready ourselves for a presentation and the (guaranteed) grilling from our professor.  One member had been in Orlando for the weekend (and we hadn’t gotten in touch with her), one had to make a side trip, so I and the two other guys in the group madly dashed through the prep work, got PowerPoint ready, and went over our talking points.  The rest of the group got there, we finished everything up, caught up on the weekend happenings, and rushed over to our class.

Professor, we who are about to fail salute thee!

You get 20 minutes, total.  Our group ran 19:59– no questions for us, which seemed to upset our prof… or so the evil glance he gave us as he walked out of class would say.  (Also, he’s got a poker face to be proud of– he was totally impassive– while he was watching the presentation.  “… he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes.”)  So, hopefully he was just upset at us not opening up our soft underbellies…

Side note: this group is essentially The Libertarian Group.  Our first idea for a business was essentially Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms… with the possibility of adding Sex, Drugs, and Rock n’ Roll to the mix.  (We actually went with a burger joint catering to college students.  Much easier, much less likely to get us run out of class.)  However, even we draw the line at what happened to our female team-mate this weekend– she drove some friends to (and from) Orlando on a Universal Studios trip, for which they repaid her by letting her stay in the car while they went to a strip club.  Guys, be gentlemen– share the driving, pay for the gas, and don’t take her to a gorram strip club…

[Insert "Dat's the Chicago way" joke here.]

*My old college was set up with a commons surrounded by a large group of class buildings, with parking lots surrounding all these, a ring road feeding the parking lots, then auxiliary buildings around the outside of the ring road.  The new one is a hodgepodge of lots, a trolley system that makes no sense (wait, there’s no trolley stop anywhere near Building XYZ, why is that lot restricted to Resident only?), and a sheer mass of red tape.

2.  Does your institution require reams of paperwork for admittance, graduation, and/or sending you a paper copy of your grades?

3.  Have you ever had to stop and check that you have not mistakenly wandered in to your local DMV?

4.  Does the class roster remind you of a shell game run by Superman?

5.  Are there more coffee shops on campus than cafeterias?

If you answered yes to three or more of these questions, you are in a state-run educational institution.  So as to save you the time and effort of completing your degree, simply remember this phrase: “¿Quiere papas fritas con eso?”

(One week before classes begin, they monkey with the schedule and drop a class required for my degree.  Luckily, it’ll be held in the spring semester– of 2012.  Now I have to figure out a replacement class that won’t screw up my commuting days…)

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

Two hundred and thirty-four years ago today, our nation came into being.  (Okay, if you’re picky, the resolution of independence was approved July 2nd, 1776– so it was 234 years Friday.)  A group of men– some almost destitute, some very wealthy, some young, some old– came together and forged a nation that ruled not by the whims of a monarch or by an elite cadre, but by the consent of the governed.

God bless this nation, and may the governed therein understand these words.