A Dixie Carpetbagger

Scene: bar interior, nighttime.  A woman waves at a guy dressed as a Snickers bar, and is then tackled by her girlfriend, who is dressed as a sumo wrestler.  At the far end of the bar, two men wearing brush hats and drinking Fosters slam their drinks down, stand up, and shoot each other in the buttocks.  A woman stands up from one of the tables and begins yelling “But Arizona doesn’t have a border with Mexico!“  Two friends are sharing a meal in one of the booths when several people wearing lab coats come in, grab one of them and drags them away.  A gentleman wearing a three-piece suit, narrow tie and holding a lit cigarette walks into view.

Rod Serling: You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of good and evil but of morons; a journey into a monstrous land whose boundaries are that of stupidity — Next stop, the Nannystate World.

Geographically Illiterate Woman: Oh… My… Gawd… is that a LIT CIGARETTE?  You MONSTER, put that out!  (Begins mock coughing)  Oh noes, I’m gettin’ CAN-SUH!

RS: (Puts cigarette in mouth and takes a drag) You have got to be kidding me.  Less than 35 years, and it’s come down to this?  What’s next, you gonna tell me that we elected some henpecked college boy as President?

Everyone in the bar breaks eye contact and begins shifting in their chairs.  The bartender lifts the remote and turns the T.V. to CNN, where an Obama speech is on.

RS: And I thought Nixon was bad.