A Dixie Carpetbagger

Tired of trying to grow a nice beard, only to fail horribly?  Tired of birds and other small animals nesting in your beard while you sleep?  Introducing a solution to all these problems– the Terrorist Beanie!  Put on your beanie, throw on a pair of shades, and instantly become a manly badass!  Never wait in line at the TSA checkpoint again!  Attract the ladies!  Yours for only $29.95, plus shipping and handling… sunglasses not included.

(Is it just me, or does it look like they used Weer’d as the model for those?)